Now, anyone who has read Tobes' blog knows by now she is much more eloquent and better at getting her thoughts and opinions organized than I am, in addition to just knowing a shit-ton of information about everything, ever, it seems.
But something really has been bugging me for a while and today I just have to talk about it, even if it is rambling and incoherent...
...And when am I one to hold back when something is on my mind, right? Anyway. I'm not sure exactly why I feel compelled to write about this now, maybe it was because today in class we were talking about getting out early after handing in our final proposals and someone said something about how last time that happened in the previous class (a lot of the people in my current class took a class together with the same instructor in the first five week session too) that this student, "threw a fit" and "cried about it like a little girl."
So apparently little boys don't ever cry. Just those stupid, emotional girls.
But I let it go and didn't say anything because it's an ed psych class and not one about gender inequality and after staying up late writing the damn proposal that sparked that moment of irritation, I was too tired to even get into it.
But still I thought about how a comment like that to most people wouldn't cause them to bat an eye, it's pretty common place. And then I thought about something almost as ambiguous a few months ago, and it made me mad:
Six months ago, someone I know very well had an abortion. Let's call her Nikole. The details and such are not necessary, other than the father, let's call him Jordan, was not someone she was in an actual relationship with, though someone she'd known for a long time. Let's just say things were complicated with them. When they'd decided on having an abortion as opposed to continuing the pregnancy and either keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption, Nikole had an ultrasound done to determine how far along she was and if the abortion was even an option at this point. Big surprise, Jordan was not able to go with her to the ultrasound because he had Physics Lab that morning, but they'd been talking most of that morning beforehand, as well as every day since they'd found out. One f the last texts he'd sent her before she left for the ultrasound was, 'Don't let them tell you the sex'.
Would it have made a difference?
Of course.
Had she found out it was a boy (and by the way, she was not nearly far enough along for the sex of the fetus to be determined anyway, that's not usually possible until at least 18 to 22 weeks along), the chances of him wanting to keep it would likely have increased.
Had she found out it was a girl, nothing would have changed.
Ultimately, it was Nikole's decision either way and Jordan acknowledged this from the start, saying no matter what she decided to do, he would support her decision and do whatever he could to help out.
But it is still sad to know that sometimes, babies are only wanted if they're boys.
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2 comments:
Dude -- first of all, thanks for the WONDERFUL comment. Second of all-- I know what you mean about comments like that. It just fries my brain. You know- that's the first step to marginalizing a group of people, jokes and little comments like that.
Imagine if you replaced "little girl" with "jew" or "black kid" -- we immediately recognize those as ugly and hateful. But making fun of women and girls is so engrained in our culture... it's just so sad.
Especially when you hear stories about guys like Jordan- who has internalized that message so much that he values a boy fetus, but not a female one.
You're welcome my dear, your blog is always one of the first places I go whenever I get online, and you never cease to amaze me :)
People would not think twice about responding to a comment had it been another group of people and it does irritate me that even I let it go without saying anything. However, because it was right before class was going to start, I just let it slide and I wish I wouldn't have.
As for Jordan, he himself is partially to blame for it, but the environment he was raised in is also probably a cause...he's the middle of three boys, his older brother has two sons (he and his wife only had one at the time but they have two now), and his relationship with his mom isn't always the greatest. Some of it is his environment, but the bottom line still remains: he might have actually wanted his own child if it had been a boy. And that is also terribly sad.
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